A Short Story

This is a short story I was working on. I thought perhaps everyone would get a chuckle.
“We just can't have nice things!”

If you ask my Mom she'll tell you that she never said this. But she did. A lot. I remember, because I was there holding a piece of her favorite doll. It was a doll brought back from Japan by her only brother, my Uncle Charlie. It makes sense that she would say this considering she had four kids in the span of 3 years. Two girls one year apart then twin boys. Three years after that the last of the kids would join the family. Another boy. One who would do anything for chocolate. Like climb on the roof or try out an invention by his older brothers. We only had three or four broken bones come out of this arrangement, which I think is a miracle. Mixed with this, our bunch, was various babysitting kids that we had in our home. Over the course of some 10 odd years I would say we had at least 25 kids come in and out of our home. This is how it was for me growing up.

At one point I wondered why we didn't lock our doors. When taking a look around our home I realized why. We had nothing worth stealing. I think if we were to write a note to would be burglars it would read something like this:

Please come in. Try and avoid the various objects on the floor-- most of them are toys but there is an occasional cat. You'll see the books on the bookshelf. Your welcome to any of them, though I should warn you almost all of them are missing pages and have various crayon, pen and marker writings on the remaining ones. Next turn to your right and proceed into the kitchen. If your shoes stick to the floor, don't worry it's just a mixture of juice, glue and corn syrup. We mopped the floor this afternoon, but were just to exhausted to do it a third time today. If you want to take any of the dishes, please feel free. However you should know that any valuable ones where sought out and destroyed by the children as soon as they could walk. If your wondering, the microwave still does work even after having two forks, a whole egg, and multiple plastic toys cooked in it. Please take it-- I've been needing a new one. Next up would be the family room. You'll see the VCR standing ready. You're welcome to it, but you'll have to remove the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The TV is also available. I hope you like PBS, since it long ago had the buttons torn off and the remote has been missing for years. If it's medicine you're after feel free to look through the bathroom medicine cabinet. We have Baby Tylenol, baby lotion, baby cough syrup, an itch cream and extra strength Aspirin. All our cash comes in the form of coins-- mostly pennies. Check the couch, I'm sure you'll find some there. All the really interesting stuff is hidden away in the twins' room downstairs. Be careful entering-- they are boys so most everything is tied together some how or another with string. It's like trying to go through a laser security field to get to a bank vault. Most of the floor is covered in dirty laundry, various bits of electronics and in the end all that could be waiting for you is a half eaten can of green beans. We really don't know. The girls room is full of treasure's too. Mostly stashed chocolate they are saving to bribe their younger brothers with.

So maybe in the end it's good not to have nice things. It just makes you more of a target. By your kids of course.